Who has made the top of GTM’s ‘The Index’ – our unbeatable barometer for media performances poor and brilliant alike – for April?

Dead men don’t wear plaid

The former footballer and TV personality, Sam Newman, prides himself on being one of Victoria’s gigantic, buzzing gadflies, an honour he shares with the former Premier of Victoria and Hawthorn Football Club President, Mr Jeffrey Kennett.

Newman made a strong and berserk outside run in the race to become our April pin-up turnip after staging a lonesome protest on the steps of Victorian Parliament dressed in some gaudy plaid attire and calling for Daniel Andrews to end the COVID lockdown so that he could get back to golfing.

Newman posted no less than two dozen tweets opining the loss of his golfing capacity, and added a conspiracy theory or two for good measure. With an ear of purest tin, Newman has achieved 4 and a half shrivelled turnips.

Full Marx for Angela

When you’re dealing with a mass pandemic threatening millions of lives, clear communication is key. Germany’s PM, Angela Merkel, recently explained why populations need to socially isolate to flatten the curve and save lives.

Using her background in science learned at Karl Marx University, she explained how keeping the ‘reproduction factor’ below one was critical to getting on top of the pandemic. Her clear explanation stood out like a beacon in a sea of political mediocrity, earning her international media attention for the fact starved masses. We score it three and a half fulsome turnips.

From the top shelf

If Donald Trump hasn’t made an egregious faux-pas for a day, how would we know we’re alive? Trump gaffes have become a touchstone of our daily lives, our daily bread, but there’s a method behind his madness. Okay, and maybe some madness behind his madness too.

The endless dumping of garbage into the news cycle day after day keeps journalists busy raking through yesterday’s muck pile as he backs up yet another truck to add to the mountainous heap of lies and disinformation. It’s a form of propaganda well utilised in Russia seemingly to good effect there too.

But Trump’s claim in April that disinfectant and ultraviolet light inserted through undisclosed orifices can destroy coronavirus is from the stratosphere, the purest top shelf madness, and earns The Donald a perfect 5 wizened turnips.

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